I knew this would happen

Before I truly start this post, let me first say that I don't believe that what I am about to type is rational in any way, it is simply a summary of my feelings, a means of venting my frustration.

We are still battling bills from the transplant. I have repeatedly sent billing information, made phone calls, etc., to no avail. Yesterday I got the first notice from a collection agency. We can't get ahold of Fred because he is in Egypt. So, while our receipient is traveling the world and enjoying himself, we are strapped with thousands of dollars in medical bills and can't even afford to go out for dinner. I told my husband this would happen, he didn't care, he wanted to do what he wanted to do. So far, short of death, almost everything I said would happen has happened. In the scheme of things, we saved a life, but damn, this is so frustrating.

I thought this was simple and to the point. Especially the part about talking it over with your family...

What are your thoughts on this?

Lifebanc, a Cleveland, OH based organization promoting organ donation awareness, is hosting a walk/run fundraiser. While in it's basic premise, this is a noble plan, I am deeply disturbed by one aspect of the event - the registration fee. Here's is what they have posted on their site:

Adult Registration is $20; Children 12 and under is $10; Children under 3 are FREE! An event t-shirt is available for $5. Register by August 1 to guarantee a t-shirt. T-shirts are not guaranteed to be available for purchase the day of the event.

Now, for the general public who wish to support the cause, I think this is a very reasonable fee. What I find disturbing is that my husband emailed them to ask if there was a fee for donors and recipients who wish to participate, and guess what? $20 for adults, $10 for children. Now, I apologize if you don't agree with my opinion on this, but I just think that is plain wrong! Why should someone who endured the pain of surgery, risk to his own life, and a tortuous recovery, have to pay? Have the living donors not paid enough already? Many donors have suffered extensively and risked death in order to save the life of another, can they not forgo the $20 for these people?

I will choose to spend my time and energy, and even my money, on an organization that can appreciate the sacrifices made by living donors and their families, not one who tries to milk even more from them.

Feeling a bit lost

"Fred" is off enjoying his life. He's traveling the world, having people fly in to visit him, doing all the things he couldn't do when he was so sick. He hasn't answered any emails from us in several weeks. On one hand, we are thrilled that he is doing so much and enjoying his life again. On the other hand, I feel somehow lost without contact from him. There is just an empty sensation, like I've lost a good friend, yet the events that are taking place are exactly as they should be. Quite a paradox, eh?

Back to the point of this...

I'd like to get back to the reason I started this blog...to talk about the unique challenges faced by the family of a living donor. As I told you in a previous entry, I was really angry at my husband for deciding to do this. I had so many emotions that I had never had to face before. I didn't know what his decision said about his feelings for me. If he knew he could be risking his life, our business, our happiness, yet was still choosing to go ahead with the donation, did that mean he cared more about his friend than his family? I'm sure this was not the case, but it was a thought I had to learn to sort through. Didn't he care that I was getting berated at work for taking time off for his appointments? You see, I initially told him I would not participate in this whole thing, but then if I didn't, it wouldn't happen, and I become the Fred-killer. Over time, I quit fighting it and did what I could do to help. Not that I was all on board for it, I was just too weary to fight it anymore. Our lives were very stressful long before the transplant discussion came up (that's for another blog) and I truly felt like the strain of this would ultimately land me in a psychiatric unit. I suppose I should mention that all of this was further complicated by the fact that we live in Ohio, our friend lives in Florida. I dealt with people who didn't understand why I was "letting" my husband do this, complete with all the things they would say to their husbands. I put up with my boss referring to it is my "vacation". I can't remember when I've enjoyed a vacation so much - hours of sitting by my husband's bedside watching him writhe in pain, eating scrumptious hospital meals, watching t.v. on a 12 inch screen, yes sir, vacations don't get much better than that. I wanted to smack him. I put up with having my annual raise reduced because I "chose" to go to Florida and be with my husband during the surgery. Given that my annual raise each year is calculated based on a percentage of my previous years salary, I will be docked each year I work there because I wanted to be with my husband while he had major surgery. The only good news is that I don't plan to work there much longer. I don't expect any special perks because my husband donated his kidney to save a life, but neither do I expect to be smacked for it.