Back to the point of this...

I'd like to get back to the reason I started this blog...to talk about the unique challenges faced by the family of a living donor. As I told you in a previous entry, I was really angry at my husband for deciding to do this. I had so many emotions that I had never had to face before. I didn't know what his decision said about his feelings for me. If he knew he could be risking his life, our business, our happiness, yet was still choosing to go ahead with the donation, did that mean he cared more about his friend than his family? I'm sure this was not the case, but it was a thought I had to learn to sort through. Didn't he care that I was getting berated at work for taking time off for his appointments? You see, I initially told him I would not participate in this whole thing, but then if I didn't, it wouldn't happen, and I become the Fred-killer. Over time, I quit fighting it and did what I could do to help. Not that I was all on board for it, I was just too weary to fight it anymore. Our lives were very stressful long before the transplant discussion came up (that's for another blog) and I truly felt like the strain of this would ultimately land me in a psychiatric unit. I suppose I should mention that all of this was further complicated by the fact that we live in Ohio, our friend lives in Florida. I dealt with people who didn't understand why I was "letting" my husband do this, complete with all the things they would say to their husbands. I put up with my boss referring to it is my "vacation". I can't remember when I've enjoyed a vacation so much - hours of sitting by my husband's bedside watching him writhe in pain, eating scrumptious hospital meals, watching t.v. on a 12 inch screen, yes sir, vacations don't get much better than that. I wanted to smack him. I put up with having my annual raise reduced because I "chose" to go to Florida and be with my husband during the surgery. Given that my annual raise each year is calculated based on a percentage of my previous years salary, I will be docked each year I work there because I wanted to be with my husband while he had major surgery. The only good news is that I don't plan to work there much longer. I don't expect any special perks because my husband donated his kidney to save a life, but neither do I expect to be smacked for it.