I miss him

It has been almost a year since the transplant. None of it was easy. My husband suffered for months afterward. We are stuck with piles of medical bills we can't pay. The hospital doesn't return our messages, so we don't why we're stuck with the bills, and can't find out what tests he may need in the future. We have basically been hung out to dry. You would think I would resent "Fred" for all of this. He is off cavorting in Florida and having a grand time, getting ready for 6 weeks in Egypt, while we struggle to afford gas money and watch our credit rating plummet as each new medical bill gets turned in for collection. The truth of the matter is that I miss him terribly. I would give just about anything to see him and his wife again. It is almost as if there is just a void there now, and they are all that can fill it. I don't know if other donors and their families feel this was about their recipients, but I find it rather strange that I feel this way. Any donors out there experience similar feelings?

What are your thoughts on this?

Lifebanc, a Cleveland, OH based organization promoting organ donation awareness, is hosting a walk/run fundraiser. While in it's basic premise, this is a noble plan, I am deeply disturbed by one aspect of the event - the registration fee. Here's is what they have posted on their site:

Adult Registration is $20; Children 12 and under is $10; Children under 3 are FREE! An event t-shirt is available for $5. Register by August 1 to guarantee a t-shirt. T-shirts are not guaranteed to be available for purchase the day of the event.

Now, for the general public who wish to support the cause, I think this is a very reasonable fee. What I find disturbing is that my husband emailed them to ask if there was a fee for donors and recipients who wish to participate, and guess what? $20 for adults, $10 for children. Now, I apologize if you don't agree with my opinion on this, but I just think that is plain wrong! Why should someone who endured the pain of surgery, risk to his own life, and a tortuous recovery, have to pay? Have the living donors not paid enough already? Many donors have suffered extensively and risked death in order to save the life of another, can they not forgo the $20 for these people?

I will choose to spend my time and energy, and even my money, on an organization that can appreciate the sacrifices made by living donors and their families, not one who tries to milk even more from them.

A Different Take On Living Organ Donations

Usually, when organ donation occurs, the donation is through cadaveric donation, or a deceased donor who has chosen to give the gift of life upon his death. While there is no question that this is the noblest of gifts, it is always proceeded by a tragedy and encompasses grief on one side of the equation. I spoke with a gentleman the other day who talked about his son who was killed in a car accident and had donated his organs. The man cried the whole time, reliving the death of his son in the telling of his story. As much as I was against my husband risking his life, I have to make the observation that by being a living organ donor, we were able to enjoy the thrill of saving a life without having to grieve over a life lost at the same time. Interesting paradox if you really think about it.

Feeling a bit lost

"Fred" is off enjoying his life. He's traveling the world, having people fly in to visit him, doing all the things he couldn't do when he was so sick. He hasn't answered any emails from us in several weeks. On one hand, we are thrilled that he is doing so much and enjoying his life again. On the other hand, I feel somehow lost without contact from him. There is just an empty sensation, like I've lost a good friend, yet the events that are taking place are exactly as they should be. Quite a paradox, eh?

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!

It's the strangest thing

During the entire nine months my husband was undergoing testing to donate, I hated "Fred" and everything he stood for. I held him personally responsible for every day I had to take off work for my husband's medical appointments, fear every moment of fear I felt, for making me feel like my future didn't matter, for the very act of being my husband's friend. I never wanted to see him again, period. I only went with my husband to Florida because I feared it would be the last time I would ever see him. I didn't want to be in the same state as the man who was willing to take him from me. Fast forward to the second the surgeon came out and told us they were fine and came through with flying colors...I was instantly bonded with Fred and his family in an inexplicable way. I now think of them every day and can't wait to see him again, as well as his family. Their joys are now mine, our souls are forever intertwined. Incredible...

Really great news!

Hubby and I had been planning a vacation trip to celebrate the first anniversary of the transplant with his recipient. As it turns out, we will have to see him later than planned because he is going to be out of the country visiting family for ten weeks. I can't tell you how thrilled I am that he is doing so well, that he can travel and see his family again, something that was not a possibility a year ago. Moments like that erase all the bad stuff that came before, all the negative emotions. It's just wonderful and miraculous!